...I was standing upright with my head held high and not a single strain of emotion on my face. I was known for being a rock and there I was, a rock. Unbeknownst, I had gone hollow, my insides were in turmoil and my mind was no more in control. My mom had passed away, suddenly. Death is always sudden even if we can see Lord Yama trudging towards us with his lasso. I suddenly felt pain in my heart which slowly spread throughout. All my years of Vedanta and philosophy were of no avail. I was so angry, so frustrated and so sad, all at the same time. I did not know what I could do, what I should do. I felt like ramming the junior doctors' head against the wall for his questionable behaviour; but that would not bring my mother back. It has been months if not years but I can still feel the same pain in my heart and I cannot explain it. However, I know Death is as real as Birth. Death is inevitable to all that take birth even after a billion years, and being impartial and just, does not exclude God incarnate. I sometimes think that Death is the ultimate truth. God is just another name for it.
Every day, I have spent hours thinking about it and my understanding is still deepening. I have realized that the pain will never be gone though it will be complemented with an increasing understanding of Death and accepting it as just another event in the cosmos. I guess that last bit of knowledge I will receive when I meet Mrityu. Every time, I see or hear someone die either among my humungous number of relatives or from among the millions in the world, I repeat the beautiful sloka from Bhaja Govindam- "पुनरपि जननं, पुनरपि मरणं, पुनरपि जननीजठरे शयनं, इह संसारे बहुदुस्तारे; कृपयाऽपारे पाहि मुरारे ।" Repeated birth, repeated death, repeated lying in the mother's womb; this process is difficult and full of misery, please shower your grace and save me, O' Slayer of the demon Mura.
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